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Below Deck S5 Episode #3

22 September 2017

How time flies by! Here we are, already in Season 5 of Bravo’s Below Deck. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have expected to be here now in my life.

Thanks to everyone who has supported the show and made this happen. The events of last week have really helped put my priorities in perspective. Irma was the biggest and toughest storm I have seen in my lifetime, and here’s to all of you recover quickly and fully. If you are in a position to help, please, please, do so. So many were left in dire straits and could use a hand. To those who have done so, you have my heartfelt thanks.

Now on to this season. Sorry I missed the first two episodes! But I was a wee bit busy with a mean, vicious girl named Irma. Wow, do we ever have a green crew or what? I don’t know where to start. I’m so glad that Nico and Kate are here to help, because this group has absolutely no clue as to what they’re in for.

Let’s start with the newbies, shall we? They all seem eager to please, but I’m not all together sure that they have any idea as to what that means. To put it bluntly: they don’t know what they don’t know. They’re all going around like this should be a walk in the park and it’s not. It’s about to become their worst nightmare. I’m going to make a list that could go on for days, but for the sake of the word limit on my blog, I’ll do my best to keep it short. Yeah, good luck with that, right?

  • You’re told to serve ladies first and men last, and you do the exact opposite.
  • You think that making Espressos or Latte’s is the same as operating a Kuerig.
  • You’re told to use the port forward crew room and you go to the starboard room instead.
  • You consider getting laid, and drinking, as a possible career choice because you’ve done neither up until now.
  • You think knots are something that you feel in the pit of your stomach when you get caught f***ing up.
  • You don’t like the way the “mean” senior crew is treating you, and you need a “safe place” to get your head around it.
  • You get so drunk the night before you need a nap while the rest of the crew carries your dumb ass, and your excuse is that you have a hard time dealing with the fact that you can’t just “do what you want to do when you want to do it”, ‘cause you’re just used to doing what you want to do, when you want to do it.
  • You feel that extra training and a dry run (to see if you can get it right) is “just silly,” and then you (and your colleagues) fail to get it right.
  • You think a Gin Martini is the same as a Gin and Tonic. Then, when the guest calls you on it, you respond: “I don’t make them, I just order them” and dump that on your boss. As I said, this list could go on for a very long time. So, let’s get close and personal with this crew: while I think they’re all O.K., and that most of them have the potential to make an excellent crew, they need to realize just how far they must go to get there, something that won’t get done in one season. They can make great strides if they realize this fact. This is a concept I fear may be lost on some of them.

Nico, I think that you are really putting forth some great effort under adverse conditions. And I’ll admit that you have been saddled with the enormous task of trying to get this crew up to speed. I love the fact that you are brutally honest with them because there isn’t a lot of time for hand-holding and changing diapers. We are not afforded that luxury.

They need to learn and learn now. I also liked the way you explained to Chris what the consequences would be if he decided to take another nap. You are doing a good job by stepping up. Thanks.
Kate, you and Nico are between a rock and a hard spot. I feel your pain, and empathize with you. I know that you’re trying to work, train, and accommodate guests, all at the same time. Keeping guests happy is no easy task to do with a well-trained crew and I’m counting on you two to get it done with green as green crew. Not for nothing, I have faith.

Also (and since we’re talking about it), I do realize what you’re up against, and can empathize with you succumbing to the temptation of getting off the boat and having some time for yourself because you are doing all the work so far. Leaving Jen to deal with it was a huge leap of faith that I wish you hadn’t taken. You know how I feel about anyone drinking or leaving the boat while on charter, especially with newbies this green. Had I known about it at the time, you and I would’ve had our own “come to Jesus” chat. But it appears that you had your own “come to Jesus” moment that night. In the future, I would appreciate it if that didn’t happen again. As far as your comments to Jen about how she was doing her job, I felt they were inappropriate because that made our guests uncomfortable. I understand her attitude brought it on, though. On a different note, great way to improvise and adapt by seeing an opportunity to use what Bruno likes to do anyway, and switching the focus away from Matt’s sushi to the delivery of it. Well done. You probably saved the charter for us all because we did have a lot working against us at the time.

Matt, so far, you have checked all the boxes. The guests like your food, albeit only on two charters, and you seem to get on with the crew as well. I could have done without the crass comment about oral stimulation of someone’s balloon knot. Did you seriously say that? I was also a bit surprised on a couple of other fronts. First, I was a little disappointed at the chips and salsa snacks. You can get that at Roco’s Tacos. We should be better than that. Two, why would you ask the greenest deckie we have about dinner options? Just curious, it seems like you may be in doubt about your own abilities. But, to your credit, you stuck with it and pulled it off. You have skills, don’t be afraid to use them. You’re two for two. Keep it up!

Jen, Jen, Jen, what can I say… Since when is an iron so difficult to operate? Maybe you had a misconception of what a stew’s duties were. Twenty minutes to make a cocktail is not going to get it done. Your heart was in the right place, but you were lacking in execution. I was very pleased with the way you hung in there with the guests (as inebriated as they were). I thought you dealt with it well. Wasn’t as happy with Chris not giving you a hand, as he should do when he is on late with you.

Somehow, I think he would have been more attentive and helpful with Bri than he was with you. I think you are making progress, and to do that, you need to concentrate more on your job. Less attitude and less worrying about what other people are doing. I do love your sense of humor, though. You really need that in this business. Bruno, through the first two episodes, I really had my doubts about you. While the jury may still be out on that one, I think you have made some really good progress thus far. Kudos for stepping up and being a good sport when Kate tried to turn you into a living Sushi platter. I can’t believe Nico shaded you with the toilet paper. You were also a good sport about it and that may have been the turning point on that charter. Well done and I hope you continue progressing. Briana. I think you could have a bright future in this business, should you decide to pursue it as a career. You’re bright, intelligent, very capable, and quite easy to get along with. You’re a team player as well. I can see where you may have thought it was silly to go through the training but, would you rather we just tossed you out there without the skills to succeed? Not for a second do I think you have all the necessary skills at this point, but you have enormous potential and personality, and I do feel you are progressing rapidly, so keep it up. I think you had a good week.

Chris, what can I say? If you can’t run with the Big Dogs, you should learn to keep your puppy ass on the porch. And on the first charter no less! Let me see if I have this right: you don’t like it when you can’t do what you want to do, when you want to do it (see above). Is that correct? Well, the only thing I can tell you is that you should always be careful with what you ask for, because you might just get it. I would have loved to see you help Jen out a bit with the cleaning and the guests on this charter. I see lots of room to improve and hope that your attitude doesn’t get in the way of where you want to go. I guess we’ll find out.

Baker, you’re a breath of fresh air. Your can-do attitude and willingness to just jump in and get it done is great. I understand that you feel the pressure to step up and do more because of the inexperience of the rest of the crew, and I do appreciate all of the effort that you have put forth.

It is quite a pleasure to come around the corner and see that big, beaming smile all the time. Keep it up. I enjoy seeing that everyday. Well, there you have it. It’s so good to be back. Not just for this season but from Irma as well. Thanks to everyone for being patient while we got this storm thing straightened out, our power back on, and sorted out all those daily little things we too often take for granted. See you next week, fair winds and following seas to all. Be safe out there.